OK! It's that time of year again and here's the 2012-13 Update on People Teams vs. Animal Teams in the Super Bowl:
32 teams in the NFL. 15 are named for People (Packers, Raiders, Saints, etc.) 16 are named after Animals, (Lions, Bengals, Be*rs, Oh my!) 1 is a Thing, (J-E-T-S, JetsJetsJets.)*
In the 47 Super Bowls, featuring 94 appearances by NFL teams, including this years matchup between the Forty-Niners and the Ravens, People Teams have appeared an astounding 58 times, compared to only 35 for the Animals. The Jets have made one appearance. That means that People Teams have filled 62% of the Super Bowl berths.
In the first 46 games, People Teams are 36-21, a .649 winning percentage, while Animal teams are only 9-25, .264! Things are of course are 1-0, (1.000!) Super Bowls XLV and XLVI both featured People Teams exclusively, (Packers beat Steelers, Giants beat Patriots.)
Taking out the game between Jets and Colts in 1969 and the other two (!!!!) Animal v Animal Super Bowls there are 31 Super Bowls played between People and Animals. People are 25-6 in those games (.806 winning percentage)! Animal teams did not win a Super Bowl between the 1974 Dolphins and the 1985 Be*rs and did not win again after that until the 1997 Broncos (barely) beat the Packers. The last time an Animal Team beat a People team was 2002 when Rams beat Patriots. Since then Patriots beat Panthers and Eagles, Steelers beat Seahawks and Cardinals and Saints beat Colts.
Bird teams, as a subset of Animal teams, are particularly bad. All five have now appeared in the SB, with the Cardinals completing the picture in SB XLIV. Their record is 1-6. The Ravens (formerly Browns) won, but Falcons, Seahawks and Cardinals all lost. The Eagles have lost twice.
The Ravens will have another shot this year and as the only Bird Team to ever win a Super Bowl their record is as good as it gets. They beat a People Team (Giants) last time. There was hope amongst the Avian Community for the first ever Bird vs. Bird Super Bowl, but the Falcons (0-1) were unable to overcome the Niners. Interestingly, in the Niners' six Super Bowls, they have never faced another People Team. They are 5-0 against Animals, having dispatched Bengals (twice), Dolphins, Broncos and Chargers. I guess you could say they have never beaten a Bird Team either, but the opportunities have obviously been rare.
More Fun Facts:
Despite the existence of most of these stats, Carolina, Jacksonville and Baltimore all chose Animal names. Houston, who had experience with Oilers (now Titans) played it safer with "Texans," which is widely believed to be a People name.
First Animal in a Super Bowl: Colts 1969 (lost to Jets)
First Animal Team to win a Super Bowl: Colts 1971 beat Cowboys (after switching from NFC to AFC)
First Animal v Animal Super Bowl: 1999, Super Bowl XXXIII Broncos beat Falcons. Yes, you read that right, the 33rd game was the first to feature two animal teams and only the second not to have a People team represented. Also only the second Bird Team ever, (they lost.) The only other Animal v Animal Super Bowl was SB XLI when Colts beat Be*rs.
First Bird Team in the Super Bowl: Eagles, SB XV (lost to Raiders)
First Bird Team to win the Super Bowl: Ravens SB XXXV (2000) beat the Giants.
First All-Pirate Super Bowl: SB XXXVII Buccaneers v Raiders
* For you sticklers out there: Browns are a People team because they are named after Paul Brown. They could be a Thing team because they're named after a color, but they are in fact named after Paul Brown and also have a Brownie as a mascot, which, though small, counts as a person. Chargers, nowadays considered a Thing team by some (aka The Bolts) are in fact an Animal Team, named after the white charger (a horse) that adorns their original logo. You can look it up! The Buffalo Bills are a problem. They could be a Thing team, but they probably aren't named after what a duck has on its face, what a hat has to shade your eyes, or the piece of paper the phone company sends to tell you to pay up. The could be a People Team if you think they are named after "Buffalo" Bill Cody, but where is the evidence that he, or anyone else named Bill has ever had anything to do with the team? Two facts weigh in favor of Animal team: one is the prominence of the Buffalo as a mascot and as a major feature of their helmets, and two, well, if you look at the stats above that show how Animal teams fare in the Big Game and you consider the Bills' record (0-4) well, it's pretty damn obvious they must be an Animal Team, no?
